Those Phrases shared by My Parent Which Helped Me as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider failure to open up between men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."